Sweet 16
EAST
· Nova v. Killer Croc – A classic battle of air power against the land and sea.
Nova keeps high above the battle field, blasting away at Croc from a
distance. Stuck on an open field with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide,
Killer Croc quickly becomes even sulkier than usual and resigns.
· Longshot v. Nightcrawler – Attempting to reduce any chance of Longshot’s luck interfering
in the fight, Nightcrawler selects a wide open plain with nothing for
miles. The fight starts and for a long time the two combatants eye
each other across the field waiting for the other to make the first move.
Then suddenly Nightcrawler disappears and Longshot throws himself to the side,
narrowly avoiding Nightcrawers first attack. The fight begins in earnest
with Longshot’s superhuman acrobatics and keen instincts/luck keeping him a
step ahead of Nightcrawler. After a few long minutes Nightcrawler begins
to slow, realizing that this constant teleporting will wear him out faster than
Longshot. Seeing his opening, Longshot starts firing his gun, trusting
his luck to hit Nightcrawler between jumps. But to everything there is an
equal and opposite reaction. All the luck Longshot absorbed in Vegas must
be paid for. Just as Longshot thinks he has Nightcrawler’s jumps timed, his gun
explodes in his hand and knocks him out. Nightcrawler advances.
MIDWEST
· Flash (Jay Garrick) v. Red Tornado – Jay Garrick is fast, but Red Tornado has worked alongside the
real Flash, after working with Barry Allen, Jay Garrick appears to be moving in
slow motion. Garrick takes Red Tornado out to an open field hoping to use
his superior speed to wear the Red Tornado down, but this plays right into Red
Tornado’s metallic hands. Red Tornado takes this opportunity to whip up a
cyclone to end all cyclones. Garrick tries to dart in and reach the Red
Tornado, but at this point Red Tornado is sitting high above the ground in the
eye of a massive storm. Garrick tries to run against the wind and bring
it down, but this is no natural storm and Red Tornado just keeps pouring more
and more power into the storm. Eventually Garrick is overwhelmed and
swept away. Red Tornado advances.
· War Machine v. Wolverine – Rhodey has been in enough fights to know that nothing in his
arsenal can finish Wolverine. But he’s also far too stubborn to quit
without a fight. Even after Wolverine takes him down to the same dark
caves Nightcrawler beat Donna Troy in, War Machine simply turns on his night
vision and prepares to fight. War Machine may be able to see in the dark,
but he can’t see through the cavern walls and Wolverine’s superior sense of
smell allows him to quickly locate War Machine. Bursting around a corner
he attacks. War Machine sees the attack in time and fires everything he
has at Wolverine. Wolverine is knocked down, but he gets back on his feet
quickly and quickly closes the gap. It’s only the work of a few moments
for Logan to open War Machine up like a tin of sardines. Rhodey knows
when he’s beaten and quickly taps out. Wolverine advances.
WEST
· Lockjaw vs. Sabretooth- Lockjaw hasn’t had to flex
his muscles too much just yet, while Sabretooth is still hurting from going
several rounds with the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Lockjaw takes them to a
coliseum within Attilan, where Sabretooth wastes no time in charging in.
Lockjaw uses his teleportation to evade Sabretooth’s claws, and position
himself to use his powerful jaws to end the fight quickly. Lockjaw clamps
onto Sabretooth, but Sabretooth instinctively offered up a non-vital area at
the last instant. With Lockjaw now in a fixed position, Sabretooth
unleashes his deadly claws before Lockjaw can let go. Ultimately the
sheer number of fights Sabretooth has been in and his fighting instincts trump
Lockjaw’s impressive powers. A bloodied Victor moves on.
· Shadowcat vs. the Blob- Shadowcat now has a
familiar home field. While navigating the maze, no one can touch her,
including the Blob, and the Blob isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He should see the same move she used on Aries coming, but he doesn’t! The
Blob joins Ares as his desk mate at Hades inc. for all eternity while Shadowcat
takes her rightful place in the Elite 8.
SOUTH
· Clayface vs. Static Shock- This is not a good matchup
for Clayface, as electricity is an element that has been used in the past to
stun and subdue him. Clayface sets this match in an open area of earth
with lots of natural clay to control, hoping to boost his powers.
Clayface immediately recedes into the earth. Static begins shooting off
bolts of electricity blindly hoping to get lucky, as Clayface slowly gathers
himself behind Virgil. Virgil spins and Static hits him with a massive
blast- Clayface is frozen in place, his clay cooked solid. Static
dusts himself off, and walks away, but the earth beneath him opens up, and
Static is pulled directly into the ground, falling for the old ‘cooked
Clayface’ ruse. Clayface advances.
· Zap Panda vs. Dr. Manhattan- Dr. Manhattan isn’t
actually aware that this was a fight. He notices a Panda near him from
another universe, and kindly teleports her to her home universe- accidentally
winning the fight and moving on.
Elite 8
EAST
· Nova vs. Nightcrawler- Nova chooses a wide open
space, hoping his air superiority will allow him to triumph. Still,
Nightcrawler’s abilities make him a very difficult target to hit. Nova
has Nightcrawler on the ropes, so busy teleporting out of danger,that he can’t
even think about going on the offensive. Nova takes just a second to
evaluate his endgame, leaving Nightcrawler with a sliver of an opening.
Nova fires a giant finishing Nova blast, but Nightcrawler BAMFs right
behind Nova, grabs Nova, then teleports back to in front of the Nova blast,
releases Nova, and then teleports away. Nova is blasted out of the sky by his
own attack, and Nightcrawer moves on to the Final Four.
MIDWEST
· Red Tornado vs. Wolverine- Red Tornado knows he’s no
match for Wolverine in combat, so he knows the battle will be won or lost for
him on his choice of battlefield. Red Torndado analyzes Wolverine, and
calculates 99% chance of victory by choosing an all water battlefield noting
that with Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton, he should have his hands full just
not drowning, much less fighting. Red Tornado hovers over the water while
Wolverine, as expected, sinks immediately. This sort of cheap trick only
serves to enrage Wolverine, however. Enraged, Wolverine is able to offset
his weight with his ridiculous strength, and leaps from the water slicing up
the Tornado and dragging him down into the water, where his choice of venue
backfires by short circuiting many of his systems. Wolverine advances.
WEST
· Sabretooth v. Shadowcat -- Shadowcat continues her remarkable run of only facing
physical fighters and always with home court advantage. Retreating to her
maze once again, Shadowcat quickly fades into the walls and disappears from
Sabretooth’s sight… but not from his sense of smell. Unlike her
previous opponents, Sabretooth has fought Shadowcat before and he quickly
begins moving through the maze so that Shadowcat doesn’t know exactly where he
is. An instinctual hunter, he quickly turns the tables on Kitty,
destroying the lights in the tunnels as he goes. Realizing
that things are going against her Kitty abandons all pretense of stealth and
attacks. Striking and phasing quickly, Shadowcat is able to land blow
after blow on Sabretooth while phasing through his attacks. In the end,
Sabretooth’s reflexes and instincts win the day as he times out one of
Shadowcats attacks and hits her just as she becomes solid. Shadowcat is
knocked out, and Sabretooth advances.
SOUTH:
· Clayface v Dr. Manhattan – In a rematch of last year’s tournament, Clayface see’s Dr.
Manhattan on the line opposite his and shudders. Eschewing the swamp,
Clayface instead chooses a therapists office. As soon as Dr. Manhattan
arrives, Clayface lays down on the couch and starts telling Dr. Manhattan his
life story. As he sobs about how he used to be beautiful and how ugly he
is now, Dr. Manhattan decides that life isn’t a miracle after all and teleports
himself deep into space to destroy the life he had created earlier. With
no opponent left on the field, Clayface is declared the winner.
Final Four
· Nightcrawler vs. Sabretooth- Another X-Universe battle:
Sabretooth is on a roll- having taken down Daredevil, Lockjaw, and Shadowcat in
the last 3 rounds, but he’s feeling the effect of those fights as well.
As the higher seed, Kurt chooses an open coliseum- a bit of a departure from
his previous strategies. Sabretooth knows that all he needs is one good
shot on Nightcrawler, and with his heightened senses he keys in on the
signature brimstone scent of Kurt’s BAMFs. Ordinarily, Kurt would be
trying to incapacitate Victor, but after seeing what he did to his teammate
Kitty, Kurt is PISSED! He dodges Sabretooth’s attack, and touches him on
the shoulder, teleporting him roughly a mile into the air and then teleporting
away. “Zat’s for Kitty!” he shouts as Victor falls helplessly to the
ground. This time, the big cat does NOT land on his feet.
Nightcrawler moves to the finals.
· Wolverine vs. Clayface- A matchup of total
tanks. This is one fight that everyone wants to see. Clayface gets
home field, and goes back to where he’s most confident- back in the clay
pit. Wolverine charges in right away, claws flying- ripping Clayface to
shreds, but each slice only heals immediately with the natural clay that’s all
around them. Clayface counterattacks with his giant clay mallet, and
knocks Wolverine back, but that doesn’t keep Wolverine down much at all.
For almost an hour, they go at it- each dealing damage that would cut down an
army, and each healing from that damage almost immediately. The battle
turns when Clayface begins using emotional manipulation, fighting Wolverine in
the form of Jean Grey, and taunting him. Wolverine responds with his
trademark rage- decapitating image after image- Jean Grey, Cyclops, Professor
X, Kitty Pryde, on and on until his rage turns to sobs. He begins to
question who he is, and why he’s so angry. Staring at his own claws, and
thinking about his friends and his pain, he walks away from the fight to go
back to Japan for a while with his thoughts. Clayface advances.
Championship
· Nightcrawler v. Clayface – ESPN is loving this match up. The day before the fight is full
of talking heads expounding on all the differences: DC vs Marvel, Speed
vs Strength, faith in God vs faith in oneself, Kurt’s long desire to look
normal with Clayface’s ability to shape-shift. Clayface takes
Nightcrawler back to the swamp in an effort to slow him down.
Nightcrawler starts off the fight with a bang, teleporting and punching in
quick succession, trying finish the fight early. Clayface is unable to
react quick enough to get a hand on Nightcrawler, but he’s also not feeling
much pain as he has reverted to his swamp form. Eventually Nightcrawler gets
too close and Clayface is able to get a grip on him. As Clayface pulls
them both down into the muck, Nightcrawler teleports them both way up into the
air and breaks loose. Watching in triumph he smiles as Clayface splats
into the ground. His smile fades quickly as Clayface pulls himself back
together quickly and begins to laugh. Clayface continues laughing as he
mocks Nightcrawler for being nothing but a gimmick with no finishing
move. Nightcrawler teleports back down and grabs Clayface again. In
a series of jumps Nightcrawler takes Clayface higher and higher. Soon the
air becomes too thin to breath and the cold unbearable, but still Nightcrawler
keeps the two of them jumping and falling, right at the edge of his
limits. Clayface quickly stiffens in the cold. Once Clayface
can no longer move Nightcrawler teleports them back close to the surface and
smashes Clayface into the ground. Clayface shatters into a million pieces
and Nightcrawler lands softly next to him. After a moment, it becomes clear
that Clayface won’t be able to reassemble himself this time and Nightcrawler is
declared the winner!
Conclusion:
Well,
there you have it. Our comic knowledge predicts that it Duke will defeat
North Carolina in the championship with Michigan and West Virginia rounding out
the Final Four. Look for Middle Tennessee State (Static Shock),
University of Rhode Island (War Machine), and Xavier (Blob) as some Cinderella
teams making deeper than expected runs in the tourney. We can’t prove
that this is the most accurate method, but it is the most fun!
You can see all our comic-based picks below:
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