Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Comic Book Bracket 2017- PART 3 (Sweet 16 on)


Sweet 16
EAST

·       Nova v. Killer Croc – A classic battle of air power against the land and sea.  Nova keeps high above the battle field, blasting away at Croc from a distance.  Stuck on an open field with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, Killer Croc quickly becomes even sulkier than usual and resigns.
·       Longshot v. Nightcrawler – Attempting to reduce any chance of Longshot’s luck interfering in the fight, Nightcrawler selects a wide open plain with nothing for miles.   The fight starts and for a long time the two combatants eye each other across the field waiting for the other to make the first move.  Then suddenly Nightcrawler disappears and Longshot throws himself to the side, narrowly avoiding Nightcrawers first attack.  The fight begins in earnest with Longshot’s superhuman acrobatics and keen instincts/luck keeping him a step ahead of Nightcrawler.  After a few long minutes Nightcrawler begins to slow, realizing that this constant teleporting will wear him out faster than Longshot.  Seeing his opening, Longshot starts firing his gun, trusting his luck to hit Nightcrawler between jumps.  But to everything there is an equal and opposite reaction.  All the luck Longshot absorbed in Vegas must be paid for. Just as Longshot thinks he has Nightcrawler’s jumps timed, his gun explodes in his hand and knocks him out.  Nightcrawler advances.

MIDWEST

·       Flash (Jay Garrick) v. Red Tornado – Jay Garrick is fast, but Red Tornado has worked alongside the real Flash, after working with Barry Allen, Jay Garrick appears to be moving in slow motion.  Garrick takes Red Tornado out to an open field hoping to use his superior speed to wear the Red Tornado down, but this plays right into Red Tornado’s metallic hands.  Red Tornado takes this opportunity to whip up a cyclone to end all cyclones.  Garrick tries to dart in and reach the Red Tornado, but at this point Red Tornado is sitting high above the ground in the eye of a massive storm.  Garrick tries to run against the wind and bring it down, but this is no natural storm and Red Tornado just keeps pouring more and more power into the storm.  Eventually Garrick is overwhelmed and swept away.  Red Tornado advances.
·       War Machine v. Wolverine – Rhodey has been in enough fights to know that nothing in his arsenal can finish Wolverine.  But he’s also far too stubborn to quit without a fight.  Even after Wolverine takes him down to the same dark caves Nightcrawler beat Donna Troy in, War Machine simply turns on his night vision and prepares to fight.  War Machine may be able to see in the dark, but he can’t see through the cavern walls and Wolverine’s superior sense of smell allows him to quickly locate War Machine.  Bursting around a corner he attacks.  War Machine sees the attack in time and fires everything he has at Wolverine.  Wolverine is knocked down, but he gets back on his feet quickly and quickly closes the gap.  It’s only the work of a few moments for Logan to open War Machine up like a tin of sardines.  Rhodey knows when he’s beaten and quickly taps out.  Wolverine advances.

WEST

·       Lockjaw vs. Sabretooth- Lockjaw hasn’t had to flex his muscles too much just yet, while Sabretooth is still hurting from going several rounds with the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.  Lockjaw takes them to a coliseum within Attilan, where Sabretooth wastes no time in charging in.  Lockjaw uses his teleportation to evade Sabretooth’s claws, and position himself to use his powerful jaws to end the fight quickly.  Lockjaw clamps onto Sabretooth, but Sabretooth instinctively offered up a non-vital area at the last instant.  With Lockjaw now in a fixed position, Sabretooth unleashes his deadly claws before Lockjaw can let go.  Ultimately the sheer number of fights Sabretooth has been in and his fighting instincts trump Lockjaw’s impressive powers.  A bloodied Victor moves on.
·       Shadowcat vs. the Blob- Shadowcat now has a familiar home field.  While navigating the maze, no one can touch her, including the Blob, and the Blob isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.  He should see the same move she used on Aries coming, but he doesn’t!  The Blob joins Ares as his desk mate at Hades inc. for all eternity while Shadowcat takes her rightful place in the Elite 8.

SOUTH

·       Clayface vs. Static Shock- This is not a good matchup for Clayface, as electricity is an element that has been used in the past to stun and subdue him.  Clayface sets this match in an open area of earth with lots of natural clay to control, hoping to boost his powers.  Clayface immediately recedes into the earth.  Static begins shooting off bolts of electricity blindly hoping to get lucky, as Clayface slowly gathers himself behind Virgil.  Virgil spins and Static hits him with a massive blast-  Clayface is frozen in place, his clay cooked solid.  Static dusts himself off, and walks away, but the earth beneath him opens up, and Static is pulled directly into the ground, falling for the old ‘cooked Clayface’ ruse.  Clayface advances.
·       Zap Panda vs. Dr. Manhattan- Dr. Manhattan isn’t actually aware that this was a fight.  He notices a Panda near him from another universe, and kindly teleports her to her home universe- accidentally winning the fight and moving on.

Elite 8
EAST

·       Nova vs. Nightcrawler- Nova chooses a wide open space, hoping his air superiority will allow him to triumph.  Still, Nightcrawler’s abilities make him a very difficult target to hit.  Nova has Nightcrawler on the ropes, so busy teleporting out of danger,that he can’t even think about going on the offensive.  Nova takes just a second to evaluate his endgame, leaving Nightcrawler with a sliver of an opening.  Nova fires a giant finishing Nova blast, but Nightcrawler BAMFs right behind Nova, grabs Nova, then teleports back to in front of the Nova blast, releases Nova, and then teleports away. Nova is blasted out of the sky by his own attack, and Nightcrawer moves on to the Final Four.

MIDWEST

·       Red Tornado vs. Wolverine- Red Tornado knows he’s no match for Wolverine in combat, so he knows the battle will be won or lost for him on his choice of battlefield.  Red Torndado analyzes Wolverine, and calculates 99% chance of victory by choosing an all water battlefield noting that with Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton, he should have his hands full just not drowning, much less fighting.  Red Tornado hovers over the water while Wolverine, as expected, sinks immediately.  This sort of cheap trick only serves to enrage Wolverine, however.  Enraged, Wolverine is able to offset his weight with his ridiculous strength, and leaps from the water slicing up the Tornado and dragging him down into the water, where his choice of venue backfires by short circuiting many of his systems.  Wolverine advances.

WEST
·       Sabretooth v. Shadowcat -- Shadowcat continues her remarkable run of only facing physical fighters and always with home court advantage.  Retreating to her maze once again, Shadowcat quickly fades into the walls and disappears from Sabretooth’s sight… but not from his sense of smell.  Unlike her previous opponents, Sabretooth has fought Shadowcat before and he quickly begins moving through the maze so that Shadowcat doesn’t know exactly where he is.  An instinctual hunter, he quickly turns the tables on Kitty, destroying the lights in the tunnels as he goes.    Realizing that things are going against her Kitty abandons all pretense of stealth and attacks.  Striking and phasing quickly, Shadowcat is able to land blow after blow on Sabretooth while phasing through his attacks.  In the end, Sabretooth’s reflexes and instincts win the day as he times out one of Shadowcats attacks and hits her just as she becomes solid.  Shadowcat is knocked out, and Sabretooth advances.

SOUTH:

·       Clayface v Dr. Manhattan – In a rematch of last year’s tournament, Clayface see’s Dr. Manhattan on the line opposite his and shudders.  Eschewing the swamp, Clayface instead chooses a therapists office.  As soon as Dr. Manhattan arrives, Clayface lays down on the couch and starts telling Dr. Manhattan his life story.  As he sobs about how he used to be beautiful and how ugly he is now, Dr. Manhattan decides that life isn’t a miracle after all and teleports himself deep into space to destroy the life he had created earlier.  With no opponent left on the field, Clayface is declared the winner.

Final Four

·       Nightcrawler vs. Sabretooth- Another X-Universe battle: Sabretooth is on a roll- having taken down Daredevil, Lockjaw, and Shadowcat in the last 3 rounds, but he’s feeling the effect of those fights as well.  As the higher seed, Kurt chooses an open coliseum- a bit of a departure from his previous strategies.  Sabretooth knows that all he needs is one good shot on Nightcrawler, and with his heightened senses he keys in on the signature brimstone scent of Kurt’s BAMFs.  Ordinarily, Kurt would be trying to incapacitate Victor, but after seeing what he did to his teammate Kitty, Kurt is PISSED!  He dodges Sabretooth’s attack, and touches him on the shoulder, teleporting him roughly a mile into the air and then teleporting away.  “Zat’s for Kitty!” he shouts as Victor falls helplessly to the ground.  This time, the big cat does NOT land on his feet.  Nightcrawler moves to the finals.

·       Wolverine vs. Clayface- A matchup of total tanks.  This is one fight that everyone wants to see.  Clayface gets home field, and goes back to where he’s most confident- back in the clay pit.  Wolverine charges in right away, claws flying- ripping Clayface to shreds, but each slice only heals immediately with the natural clay that’s all around them.  Clayface counterattacks with his giant clay mallet, and knocks Wolverine back, but that doesn’t keep Wolverine down much at all.  For almost an hour, they go at it- each dealing damage that would cut down an army, and each healing from that damage almost immediately.  The battle turns when Clayface begins using emotional manipulation, fighting Wolverine in the form of Jean Grey, and taunting him.  Wolverine responds with his trademark rage- decapitating image after image- Jean Grey, Cyclops, Professor X, Kitty Pryde, on and on until his rage turns to sobs.  He begins to question who he is, and why he’s so angry.  Staring at his own claws, and thinking about his friends and his pain, he walks away from the fight to go back to Japan for a while with his thoughts.  Clayface advances.

Championship

·       Nightcrawler v. Clayface – ESPN is loving this match up. The day before the fight is full of talking heads expounding on all the differences:  DC vs Marvel, Speed vs Strength, faith in God vs faith in oneself, Kurt’s long desire to look normal with Clayface’s ability to shape-shift.  Clayface takes Nightcrawler back to the swamp in an effort to slow him down.  Nightcrawler starts off the fight with a bang, teleporting and punching in quick succession, trying finish the fight early.  Clayface is unable to react quick enough to get a hand on Nightcrawler, but he’s also not feeling much pain as he has reverted to his swamp form.  Eventually Nightcrawler gets too close and Clayface is able to get a grip on him.  As Clayface pulls them both down into the muck, Nightcrawler teleports them both way up into the air and breaks loose.  Watching in triumph he smiles as Clayface splats into the ground.  His smile fades quickly as Clayface pulls himself back together quickly and begins to laugh.  Clayface continues laughing as he mocks Nightcrawler for being nothing but a gimmick with no finishing move.  Nightcrawler teleports back down and grabs Clayface again.  In a series of jumps Nightcrawler takes Clayface higher and higher.  Soon the air becomes too thin to breath and the cold unbearable, but still Nightcrawler keeps the two of them jumping and falling, right at the edge of his limits.  Clayface quickly stiffens in the cold.   Once Clayface can no longer move Nightcrawler teleports them back close to the surface and smashes Clayface into the ground.  Clayface shatters into a million pieces and Nightcrawler lands softly next to him.  After a moment, it becomes clear that Clayface won’t be able to reassemble himself this time and Nightcrawler is declared the winner!

Conclusion:

Well, there you have it.  Our comic knowledge predicts that it Duke will defeat North Carolina in the championship with Michigan and West Virginia rounding out the Final Four.  Look for Middle Tennessee State (Static Shock), University of Rhode Island (War Machine), and Xavier (Blob) as some Cinderella teams making deeper than expected runs in the tourney.  We can’t prove that this is the most accurate method, but it is the most fun! 

You can see all our comic-based picks below:





Comic Book Bracket 2017- PART 2 (Rounds 1 and 2)

Round of 64
EAST
·       Mountain Man v. Gambit – A little extra strength doesn’t go far against a man that can blow things up just by touching them.
·       Gambit v. Nova – Gambit is a big time opponent for the first round and even Nova knows better than to take him lightly.  Nova chooses one of Mario’s tree top levels to fight in, and stays well out of range of Gambits cards.  After a couple passes Gambit simply walks off the field, winking at a pretty girl in the stands saying, “It was not meant to be, Cherie.”  Nova advances.
·       Badger v. Tinkerer – Badger puts the Tinkerer in the Octagon and strikes quickly.  The Tinkerer had a plan until he got punch in the mouth.  Badger advances.
·       Cavalier v. Hawk – Cavalier is a man in a funny hat.  Hawk is the incarnation of chaos possessing boundless strength and speed.  Hawk advances.
·       Killer Croc v. Psycho Pirate – Psycho Pirate gets a bad match up in the first round.  Killer Croc takes him down into the sewers.  Psycho Pirate tries to mess with Killer Croc’s emotions.  But the only thing Killer Croc feels is hunger.  Killer Croc leaves the sewers alone.
·       Ajax v. Longshot – Meeting on the neutral field of the University of Dayton Arena.   Ajax grabs a loose ball and chucks it at Longshot as he charges across the court.  Longshot ducks to the side and looks up to see Ajax bearing down on him. Realizing that Ajax is a sucky villain Longshot decides to end things quickly before his luck can get involved.  Avoiding all of Ajax’s punches with ease, Longshot gets behind him and slams him through the floor.  Longshot catches the basketball that had ricocheted off the stands and was coming back at Ajax and advances.
·       Longshot vs. Jonah Hex – Jonah Hex chooses an abandoned western town as his location and he has spent a lot of time planting traps to catch Longshot unawares.  Unfortunately for him, Longshot runs through town narrowly avoiding each trap.  Jonah Hex sees him coming and takes his best shot.  But of course the bullet ricochets of a can, off a saloon door, through a bottle of whiskey and right back at Jonah Hex.  Longshot advances.
·       Ursa Major v. Poison Ivy – Ursa Major takes Poison Ivy as far north as he can, choosing to battle in an ice covered field in the Arctic Circle trying to get Poison Ivy away from her precious plants. It’s really too bad he didn’t have BBC back in Russia, otherwise he would have heard David Attenborough remind us that even here life finds away.  With Poison Ivy’s “encouragement” the grass starts to grow up through the snow and no matter where he runs Ursa can feel thousands of thin blades of grass reaching for him.  Eventually he trips and is swallowed by the field.  Poison Ivy advances.
·       Robin (Jason Todd) v. Hawkgirl – Robin takes Hawkgirl inside a large department store, where she can’t fly and he has plenty of places to hide.   Smashing most of the lights he quickly turns the store into a dark world full of flickering lights and disappears.  Enraged by her inability to find him Hawkgirl begins smashing everything in sight.  Suddenly Robin emerges from a row of sweaters and detaches Hawkgirl’s Nth Metal belt.  Without her belt Hawkgirl crashes to the ground where Robin quickly overwhelms her with his superior fighting skills.    Robin Advances.
·       Nightcrawler v. Donna Troy – Knowing that he is outclassed by Wonder Girl, Nightcrawler consults the other X-Men on how he can beat her.  Logan reminds him that no matter how he dresses and acts, Nightcrawler is still a monster of the night. Together with Logan and Scott he works out a plan.  Instead of choosing an open space where his teleportation can help him, Nightcrawler chooses a dark cavern with thousands of tunnels and no light.   Donna Troy is powerful, but she is a child of the morning sun, in the perfect darkness she never sees him coming.  Refusing to fight her straight up, Nightcrawler slides through the darkness, striking over and over again.  At Scott’s advice he doesn’t try to beat her physically, but instead focuses on breaking her mind.  After 12 hours constantly being on alert, being struck from all sides, and only hearing Nightcrawler’s quiet chuckle in the darkness, Donna breaks down.  She curls up into the fetal position on the floor and weeps quietly.  Hippolyta can’t take it anymore and breaks into the arena and carries Donna out of the field.  Nightcrawler advances.
MIDWEST
·       Sam Wilson v. The Ringer – Due to a clerical error Johnny Knoxville is brought to the arena instead of Anthony Davis.  Sam lets him borrow his wings and Knoxville quickly crashes into a wall.  Sam Wilson advances.
·       Jay Garrick v. Sam Wilson – If Captain America running around a lake made Falcon feel inadequate, imagine how Garrick makes him feel.  Garrick chooses a building with a roof and ends things quickly.
·       Weather Wizard v. Master Chief – The Weather Wizard chooses to fight on the beach hoping to overwhelm Master Chief quickly.  Having survived the Flood, the Covenant and the cold dark of space, a little rain doesn’t faze Master Chief. He pulls out his Battle Rifle and quickly destroys the Weather Wizards wand.  He leaps into the air and finishes the fight with the butt of his gun.  Master Chief advances.
·       Red Tornado v. Multiple Man – Red Tornado chooses a building with many rooms to fight in.  As soon as the battle begins Multiple Man begins to multiply creating hundreds of copies of himself.  Red Tornado is ready for this and uses his nanites to change into a human form that looks exactly like Madrox.   Unable to tell which one Red Tornado a huge brawl breaks out with all of the Madrox multiples fighting each other.  Eventually only 1 Madrox remains.  Looking over the carnage Red Tornado turns back into his robotic form and walks off the winner. Red Tornado advances.
·       Iron v. Pumyra – In the least attended match up of the tournament Iron’s superior size and strength quickly prove too much for Pumyra.  Iron advances.  
·       Blue Jay v. War Machine – Blue Jay shrinks immediately and tries to fly away from War Machine.  Rhodes takes his time, allows his targeting computers to lock on to Blue Jay and fires a single shot from the Widow Maker.  Even though the Hammertek weapon fails to explode, it still hits Blue Jay and knocks him out.  War Machine advances.
·       Darkwing Duck v. Silver Banshee – Darkwing Duck is the shadow that lurks in the night, but Silver Banshee is a superhuman with speed, strength, a sonic yell that can kill anyone and the ability to possess any mind she wishes.  Darkwing Duck chooses to fight on a dark street but Banshee quickly finds him.  Abandoning her current host, she possesses Darkwing Duck.  Too late she realized her mistake.  Silver Banshee possesses the mind, and Darkwing Duck has no brain. Without a host to possess, Banshee quickly fades to the underworld.  Darkwing Duck advances.
·       Logan v. Vigilante – Vigilante is a superb fighter and a brilliant marksman.  Logan finishes him quickly and gets back to his day drinking.
·       Red Robin v. Cluemaster – The Cluemaster carefully prepared a number of traps and games leading up to the fight that he was sure would foul up even the Batman’s best protégé.  What he didn’t know is that Red Robin had been following him for months and Batman fixed the draw to make sure Red Robin would face off against the Cluemaster.  Drake skips all of Cluemasters games and shows up in his lair where he quickly finishes the fight.
WEST
·       Lockjaw v. White Rabbit- Jaina isn’t a pushover, but this isn’t a good matchup for her.  Lockjaw chooses an open area with very little cover- with nowhere to hide, White Rabbit uses her bio-fission to try to buy her some time, but Lockjaw is everywhere, and with his strength and senses, there’s no fooling him- this one is over quickly.  Lockjaw advances.
·       Wildcat vs. Commodore Norrington- Home court advantage is key here, as on the open waters, the commodore might have the advantage.  Unfortunately, Wildcat takes Norrington to the Octagon, and in the squared circle, he’s at a serious disadvantage.  Norrington takes out his rapier and prepares to duel, but Wildcat’s a trained fighter- he easily disarms Norrington, and it isn’t long before Norrington’s crying uncle.  Wildcat moves on.
·       Daredevil vs. White Tiger- This is the first fight in the region that looks really close.  Daredevil is most at home in an Urban cityscape at midnight with a new moon.  In the darkness, Daredevil has a massive advantage over sighted opponents.  But Eva’s reflexes, strength, and speed are all more than a match even for the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.  This battle turns into a knock-down, drag-out fight, with each combatant landing multiple shots, and performing impossible feats of aggressive acrobatics.  In the end, it’s Daredevil’s greater fighting experience coupled with his slight sense advantage that allows him to walk away, but not without a limp.
·       Sabretooth vs. Bison- This matchup is one that nature dictated its outcome from the beginning.  Even with the strength of a Bison, Billy doesn’t stand much of a chance against an Apex predator like Sabretooth.  With home field advantage, this fight goes down much like something gruesome you’d see on the Discovery Channel.  Sabretooth advances.
·       Raphael vs. the Blob- Rafael chooses the sewers hoping that the space limitations will affect the Blob, and give him the upper hand.  Raph uses his prodigious ninja dexterity to attack from the Blob’s ample blindside, but it causes barely a scratch.  Enraged Raph charges in blindly, where he’s surprised by the Blob’s mobility, and the Blob finishes him off with a vicious Body Slam.  The Blob is victorious.
·       Warpath vs. American Eagle- This is a battle of Native American superstars.  Their powers are also very similar which makes the first portion of this fight very interesting.  As the fighters feel each other out, 80% of all the attacks from both parties are easily blocked or evaded.  Then Warpath gets serious.  American Eagle realizes he can’t reach the upper limits of Warpath’s powers when Warpath accidentally starts hovering above the ground.  American Eagle sees the writing on the wall and surrenders- Warpath advances.
·       Peter Parquagh vs. Ares (Marvel)- The Spider chooses an urban landscape with lots of space for web-slinging, but even as he uses his dexterity to try to keep away from Ares deadly onslaught, Parquagh knows he’s at a disadvantage.  Ares is faster, stronger, and on a whole different level.  Peter uses up his bag of tricks in a hurry- the web to the eyes, web balls, web slingshot- but none of it even slows down the Olympian.  His Earth- 616 counterpart would likely have found a way, but this Universe’s spider just doesn’t have the bite.  When Ares finally catches up to the Spider in close combat, the match is over.  Ares wins.
·       Shadowcat vs. Hawkman- Shadowcat wisely decides to fight Hawkman within an enclosed Labyrinth taking away his superior flight advantage.  She can move freely through all the walls, but he cannot.  She knows he has a MAJOR strength advantage, but by picking her spots, she’s able to hit and run- making all his physical attacks pass right through her, and slipping away.  The fight goes on for days, until Hawkman has exhausted himself, and Shadowcat finally brings him down.  Shadowcat moves on.
South
·       Clayface vs. Tigress- Artemis as Tigress is strong, fast, and skilled.  But Clayface gets home field advantage.  In a giant mud/clay pit, Tigress’ speed and agility are sapped, and Clayface has access to almost infinite amounts of clay.  All of Tigress’ attacks are futile.  Clayface easily advances to the next round.
·       Bebop vs. Corsair- Bebop gets the home field advantage, and sets the stage for a street fight.  Bebop is stronger than Corsair, and without access to his ship, Corsair isn’t at his strongest.  Fortunately, Corsair has one key advantage over Bebop- brains.  Using the oldest trick in the book- a simple “what’s that over there?” Bebop turns to look, lowers his guard, and opens the door for Corsair to pull his hidden weapon, and end the fight before it even begins.  “Made you look,” mutters Corsair as he advances to the next round.
·       Squirrel Girl vs. Static Shock- Squirrel girl chooses a tire factory hoping to negate some of Static’s electric powers.  She quickly flips a whole bunch of tires around his waist, and the knocks him out- only to wake up and realize that it was only a dream she had while she was unconscious from getting roasted by Static.  Static advances.
·       Alfred Pennyworth vs. Nighthawk- Alfred is hosting this fight in the Batcave where he has easy access to all of Batman’s most lethal toys.  Nighthawk is stronger, faster, and a tactical genius.  He’s also overconfident.  Not seeing the old man as a threat, Nighthawk backs Alfred into a corner, right where Alfred wanted him so when Alfred activates the Bat-Laser, it’s night-night Nighthawk- the Butler moves on.
·       Deacon vs. Catwoman- Deacon goes after Catwoman believing her to be evil.  It’s strength vs speed and agility in this match.  Catwoman outmaneuvers Deacon, and using her whip she’s able to get behind him where his overdeveloped biceps won’t reach.  With her whip she’s able to hold on for the victory.
·       Black Cat vs. Catwoman- immediately after her victory over Deacon, Catwoman has to fight Black Cat.  Catwoman is already exhausted from her first fight, and now finds herself against an opponent even stronger and faster than the one she had in the last round.  Catwoman attacks, but it’s almost as though Black Cat can anticipate her every move.  When Black Cat hits her, it’s almost as though she’s being hit with a sledgehammer.  Black Cat respects Catwoman’s style, but Felicia is able to evade Selina’s attacks, and gets in enough ‘licks’ of her own so that the Black Cat is the lucky one.  Winner- Black Cat.
·       Zap-Panda vs. Marahute- Marahute is majestic, soaring through the sky, but with nothing more than the powers of a regular Golden Eagle, Zap Panda’s magic is too much for the bird.  Zap Panda chains up the bird to win the fight, but releases her back into the wild before any poachers can get to her.
·       Angel vs. Shocker- Angel relies heavily on getting the higher seed- he’s able to choose a wide open area with just a small amount of land.  Shocker doesn’t know where Angel’s attacks are coming from, and is close to the edge.  Still, if Pokémon has taught us anything, it’s that flying types are weak against electricity.  Shocker lands one lucky electric strike, and Angel falls from the sky.  Shocker moves on.
·       Dr. Manhattan vs. Thor- Two of the heaviest hitters in the tourney, in a FIRST ROUND matchup!  Thor goes after Dr. Manhattan, hitting him HARD with blows to the body and then a direct lightning strike.  Dr. Manhattan didn’t even want to be in this tournament, but Thor’s attacks have the unintended consequence of waking him up.  A now motivated Dr. Manhattan adjusts Thor’s molecular structure so he’s nothing more than an incredibly muscular houseplant.  Dr. Manhattan advances.

Round of 32
EAST
·       Nova vs. Badger- Nova’s power of flight and Nova blasts mean that Badger can’t even lay a single hand on Nova.  This one was over before it even began.  Nova advances.
·       Hawk vs. Killer Croc- Without his partner Dove to reign him in Hawk goes into a berserker rage- going straight at Croc turning what could have been a clean fight into the street brawl of all street brawls.  Croc’s rage is just as intense, and the fighting is just all animal instinct.  Sacrificing his tactical advantage for a blind rage proves to be Hawk’s downfall, as Croc emerges from the bloody scrum the last one standing.
·       Longshot vs. Poison Ivy- Longshot chooses a Las Vegas casino, and as soon as the fight begins, all the luck in the whole town is being diverted right to him.  Ivy turns the whole town into a jungle and has Longshot on the ropes almost immediately, but each time she almost has him, a vine breaks, or a gap opens.  Longshot palms a single casino chip right as Ivy closes her plants in around him.  With a final prayer he flings the chip off a roulette wheel, out a window, off a building, off a car, down a vine and miraculously directly into Ivy’s mouth.  She starts to turn blue, and the fight is called so she can get the Heimlich.  In another fluke, the victory goes to Longshot.
·       Nightcrawler vs. Robin- Nightcrawler’s still tired from outlasting Wonder Girl in the previous round, and is up against Batman’s protégé.  He chooses a level from Mario with lots of wide open spaces and multiple tiers just one BAMF away.  The various levels of attack throw off Robin at first, but then, he adapts.  Using martial arts learned from the best, there’s no longer any openings for Nightcrawler no matter where he teleports to.  Nightcrawler resorts to teleporting out of harm’s way, knowing that he’s done for in any type of close combat.  The constant fleeing, exposes this particular Robin’s weakness- patience.  Unlike his mentor, Jason loses his cool and goes for the knockout only to fall to his demise (it’s okay he had a 1up so he’ll come back as the Red Hood).  Nightcrawler advances.

MIDWEST
·       Flash vs. Master Chief- What a matchup!  Both heroes have saved entire galaxies/universes even.  Still, even though the Master Chief is used to impossible odds against ridiculous enemies- Garrick isn’t like anything he’s ever seen.  His targeting systems can’t keep up with the Flash’s speed, and Garrick made sure the venue had no cover for the chief’s shields to recover from the body blows he’s dealing.  Before Master Chief can come up with any sort of counter-maneuvers, he’s already respawned at the last checkpoint.  Garrick moves on.
·       Iron vs. Red Tornado- In a battle of the androids, Red Tornado resents competing against what is clearly an outdated model.  Lead is strong, but Red Tornado has him outclassed in every way.  Lead forfeits rather than take the beating that would be coming to him.
·       Darkwing Duck vs. War Machine- Darkwing takes War Machine to St. Canard, and barely is able to get out his catchphrase, “Let’s get Dangerous…” before War Machine knocks him out cold with some non-lethal weaponry he brought in specifically for this fight.  Rhodey Advances.
·       Wolverine vs. Red Robin- Tim Drake chooses to fight this battle in Gotham City, where he’ll need every advantage he can get.  As the smartest of all the Robins, Tim recognizes the need to mask his scent, and use his martial arts training to try to capture the element of surprise.  Unfortunately, Wolverine is the best at what he does and what he does isn’t very nice, and what is Gotham but an urban jungle.  All of Tim’s strategies don’t mean much when you’re up against a guy who’s basically immortal with steak knives on his knuckles.  Wolverine corners the kid, but shows mercy when Tim realizes this isn’t a fight he’s going to win.  Wolverine moves on.

WEST
·       Lockjaw v Wildcat – Feeling like he needs a workout before things really get going Lockjaw decides not to use his teleportation and meets Wildcat in the Octagon.   Wildcat doesn’t appreciate being disrespected like that, but he likes getting torn apart even less, and quickly taps out.
·       Daredevil v. Sabretooth – Back out in the mountains, Sabretooth abandons stealth and goes toe to toe with Daredevil.  Murdoch is already tired and worn down after round 1.  Sabretooth takes his best shot and then throws him off a cliff.  Sabretooth advances.  
·       The Blob v. Warpath – The immovable against the irresistible.  Warpath follows Sabertooth’s lead and heads up into the narrow mountain paths.  There he starts working the Blob over pretty good.   So far he’s mostly annoying the Blob but pretty soon his tactics become clear as he moves the Blob closer and closer to the edge of a cliff.  Now the Blob is stupid, but he’s not that stupid.  Finally figuring out Warpath’s plan he charges wildly.  Warpath dodges to the side and the Blob smashes into a cliff face behind him.  A true force of nature Blob’s crash starts an avalanche.  Warpath tries to get away but with the whole mountain crashing down around him he is quickly buried.  After the avalanche finally stops there is a moment of quiet, then a groan and the Blob gets up and slowly starts walking down the mountain in search of a cheese burger.
·       Ares v. Shadowcat – Once again Shadowcat is out-muscled, but it doesn’t matter if they can’t hit her.  Following her formula from last round, Shadowcat takes Ares into a maze.  Dodging and dodging he waits until Ares begins to slow, then she grabs his foot and pulls him down into the earth and drops him in Hades Inc. where Ares is stuck doing paper work for all eternity.  Rising back to the surface, Shadowcat advances.

SOUTH
·       Clayface v. Corsair – Clayface takes Corsair into a crowded city and quickly transforms into just another face in the crowd and disappears.  Clayface simply waits until Corsair lets his guard down knocks him out from behind.  Clayface advances.
·       Static Shock v. Alfred – Alfred once again keeps the fight in the Batcave.  Despite this fact the differences in their power is just too great; Static quickly corners Alfred, but is bothered by the fact that Alfred refuses to laugh at any of his jokes. That brief hesitation is enough for Alfred to grab the suit Batman designed to fight the Electrocutioner and turn the tables on Static.  Unable to hit Alfred, Static becomes upset and starts destroying the Batcave.  Seeing how much work cleaning the Batcave up would take, Alfred quickly resigns and gets to work rebuilding the Batboat.
·       Black Cat v. Zap Panda – Black Cat is a superb human.  But Zap-Panda is a magic panda bear with all of Zatana’s powers.  Zap-Panda reaches into her hat and pulls out a net.  Black Cat is quickly caught up and Zap-Panda advances.

·       Shocker v. Dr. Manhattan – Shocker comes at Dr. Manhattan with everything he has, but Dr. Manhattan can’t be bother to stop his research and simply transports him to Mars.  Dr. Manhattan advances. 


Comic Book Bracket 2017- PART 1 (Introduction)

The Proposition: 
Given our usual failings when it comes to picking a winning bracket for March Madness, we thought we would have better luck using our knowledge of comic book characters and general nerdom to project out a bracket.  It's time again for our favorite thought experiment- what if we represented each team in the NCAA tourney as a comic book character, and then picked who would move on based on a matchup between those characters.  

The rules: 
The higher seed gets to pick the battlefield, and we decide who would win based on how we think the fight would go. We each reserved the right to veto any match where we didn’t agree with the outcome, but neither of us ever used that power.  It’s important to remember that it doesn’t matter if George Mason would lose to North Carolina 9 times out of 10; all that matters is that on March 19th, 2006 George Mason was better.  It is the same with our bracket.

The Teams: 
EAST
·       Villanova Wildcats- Nova- Sam Alexander- Nova is Nova- duh.
·       Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers- Mountain Man- The Mountain Man is a hillbilly given super strength by drinking irradiated creek water.
·       New Orleans Privateers- Gambit- Almost synonymous with the bayou is Remy Lebeau the thief with a heart of gold, don you t’ink chere?
·       Wisconsin Badgers- The Badger- There’s not a whole lot of selection when it comes to superheroes from Wisconsin or repping burrowing mammals, but this superhero does both.  Sure he’s got a bad case of DID, but he’s also an expert martial artist. 
·       Virginia Tech Hokies- The Tinkerer- The Tech aspect is emphasized here- the tinkerer is kind of a B-list villain, but he makes the tech can keeps the A-listers up and running, and with a little tinkerer tech, even your ordinary thug can go toe-to-toe with someone like Spiderman.
·       Virginia Cavaliers- Cavalier-  Mortimer Drake- On account of he’s a Cavalier…
·       UNC Wilmington Seahawks- Hawk- of Hawk and Dove
·       Florida Gators- Killer Croc- I know he’s not a Gator, but close enough. 
·       East Tennessee State Buccaneers- Psycho Pirate- Pirate, Buccaneer? Close enough, and with Pyscho Pirate’s emotion warping powers, he’s not someone I’d want to face.
·       Southern Methodist University Mustangs- Jonah Hex- Probably the most famous of the DC Comics’ western characters- he can often be found astride a mustang.
·       Providence Friars- Longshot- I’m playing off the other meaning of providence as in chance, fate, luck- and in that regards- Longshot is a perfect fit plus I just love him as a character, and really want him to be in our version of Secret Wars.
·       University of Southern California Trojans- Ajax- This Deadpool antagonist shares his name with the eponymous Greek hero of the Trojan War.
·       Baylor Bears- Ursa Major- Because of the Bear theme
·       New Mexico State Aggies- Poison Ivy- Aggies is short for Agricultural, and no one does agriculture like Pamela Isley.
·       South Carolina Gamecocks- Robin (Jason Todd)- Both Robin and a gamecock are birds trained for fighting- Especially Jason who was easily the most violent of the Robins
·       Marquette Golden Eagles- Hawkgirl- Sure she’s more of a golden Hawk, but still….
·       Duke Blue Devils- Nightcrawler- On account of how he looks like a blue devil.
·       Troy Tojans- Wonder Girl (Donna Troy)- Her name is Troy- it fits.

MIDWEST
·       Kansas Jayhawks- The Flash (Jay Garrick)- Returning from last year with an emphasis on the Jay- is the OG Flash helmet and all.
·       North Carolina Central Eagles- Falcon (Sam Wilson)- Due to the dearth of Eagle characters, we’re saying that the falcon is close enough.
·       UC Davis Aggies- The Ringer (Anthony Davis)- A minor supervillain who used various rings out of a self-engineered battle suit. He gets this slot because he is Davis.
·       Miami Hurricanes- Weather Wizard- Weather Wizard controls the weather, and as such, things like hurricanes. 
·       Michigan State Spartans- Master Chief (Halo)- The best of the best of the best, the Master Chief is the one Spartan who can save the galaxy (but not on legendary).  There are comics of the game too- so his selection isn’t cheating.
·       Iowa State Cyclones- Red Tornado- a perfect fit
·       Nevada Wolf Pack- Multiple Man- One of the few people who is a pack unto himself
·       Purdue Boilermakers- Iron (Metal Men)- The strongest of the robot group the Metal Men, Iron is a fit for the boilermakers which is basically a locomotive.
·       Vermont Catamounts-Pumyra- Pumyra from the Thundercats is based on a Puma- which is essentially what a Catamount is.
·       Creighton Blue Jays- Blue Jay (DC)- Basically DC’s Yellowjacket, he can shrink down and fly like a blue jay.
·       Rhode Island Rams- War Machine (James Rhodes)- The Rams mascot is literally Rhodey the Ram- no better person to rep the Rhodes than Rhodey himself.
·       Oregon Ducks- Darkwing Duck- He is the shadow that lurks in the night…
·       Iona Gaels- Silver Banshee (Siobhan McDougal)- She comes from an old Gaelic clan between Scotland and Ireland.
·       Michigan Wolverines- Wolverine- because duh…
·       Oklahoma State Cowboys- Vigilante- A standard Cowboy-type character.
·       Louisville Cardinals- Red Robin (Tim Drake)- Another red bird Red Robin is the mantle Drake takes up after passing the Robin mantle down to Damian. 
·       Jacksonville State Gamecocks- Cluemaster (Arthur Brown) A Batman villain with a penchant for playing games and leaving clues.  His selection is playing up the game angle here.

WEST
·       Gonzaga Bulldogs – Lockjaw.  The top dog of the Marvel universe is also the top dog of the WEST. Teleportation, super-canine strength (but only in his jaw? I’m a little unclear on that) and the ability to psionically “scent” across all dimensions?  Those abilities combine with home court advantage to give us our first heavy favorite.
·       South Dakota State Jack Rabbits – White Rabbit (Jaina Hudson).  The Batman villainess who can split herself into two personas and can never be caught.
·       Northwestern Wildcats – Wildcat. Wildcat has a punchers chance, and an 8 seed can’t ask for anything better than that.
·       Vanderbilt Commodores – Commodore Norrington (Pirates of the Carribean).  There aren’t many shipping or boat related hero’s or villains.  I considered The Super-Sailor (one in a long line of Captain America knock offs that went evil) as well as the Spider-Boat or BatBoat, but Norrington is no slouch, with multiple frigates at his control he’s not someone you’d like to face if you had a Galleon or a Trireme…
·       Notre Dame Fighting  Irish – Daredevil (Matt Murdoch)  With his red color scheme, “Irish” may not be the first thing you think when you see Daredevil but if you look closer you’ll see that there is really no better option for the “Fighting Irish.”  He pummels people into submission with bare fists and a pair of sticks and then he goes and sits in a Catholic Church and feels bad about it.
·       Princeton Tigers – White Tiger.  Ava is a good fit for Princeton.  Smart and strong, she’s also a clear underdog given the average power level of this field.  She’s a scrapper though, and if underestimated could provide a real shock.
·       West Virginia Mountaineers – Sabertooth.  Sabertooth fits West Virginia like a glove.  He lives in the mountains, he’s ugly, he’s strong, he has too much hair and he’s undeservedly cocky.    
·       Bucknell Bison – Bison. One of the few shoe-ins.  To make it even better, after a little more reading on Bison, he was originally Billy Kitson who was a basketball star who lost his scholarship when he broke his leg.
·       Maryland Terrapins – Raphael (TMNT).  Raph is the wildest of the Ninja Turtles.  And seems like a good fit for Maryland this year.  They still have Melo Trimble and have a good record, but they aren’t consistent.
·        Xavier Musketeer/Blue Blobs – The Blob –The Blob was one of the most underrated villains.  The man is a beast, but he always gets ganged up on and made to look foolish.
·       Florida State Seminoles – Warpath.  He’s technically Apache, but he dated Risque who was a Seminole, and he’s much cooler than her so he’s in.
·       FGCU Eagles – American Eagle.  There are too many Eagle characters in this year’s tourney.
·       St. Mary’s Gaels – Peter Parquagh.  Weaker than his Earth-616 counterpart, Peter was raiser by his Scottish Aunt and Uncle after the death of his parents.
·       VCU Rams – Aries (Marvel).  The classic example of a villain who looks better than he is.  But he has a pair of ram horns which apparently hurt if he pokes you with them.
·       Arizona Wildcats – Shadowcat.  It’s too bad a school like Arizona gets a character as cool as Shadowcat, but she deserves at least a two seed, and they share the cat aspect.
·       North Dakota Fighting Hawks- Hawk Man- The have a new nickname, and a strong hero to represent them.
SOUTH
·       North Carolina Tar Heels – Clayface.  I’m going back to the classic.  I bet Clayface has some Tar on his heel.  I think Clayface is an underrated villain and North Carolina is an underrated  #1 seed. 
·       Texas Southern Tigers – Tigress (Artemis Crock). A slam dunk proposition.  Many women have worn the mantle of Tigress in the DC universe, but my favorite Tigress is Artemis after Kaldur “kills” her and she’s undercover with the baddies.
·       Arkansas Razorbacks – Bebop.  A mutant warthog with a Mohawk?  Sounds like Arkansas to me.
·       Seton Hall Pirates – Corsair.  The smoothest man in the galaxy this side of Lando Calrissian, Corsair is a space pirate and leader of the Starjammers, doesn’t get much better than that.
·       Minnesota Golden Gophers – Squirrel Girl.  There is a serious dearth of rodent themed super heroes.  But Squirrel Girl is one of the best fits in this bracket.  Once nothing more than a joke, she has suddenly become popular and her power level has increased according to her popularity.  Now she’s defeating Dr. Doom and Thanos and everyone loves it, but deep down, we all know it’s just a fantasy and she’s just a girl with a tail.
·       Middle Tennessee State Lightning – Superhero Static Shock! While Black Vulvan and Black Lightning and Lightning and Soul Power and Thunderfall, and Shango the Thunderer and Volt are all technically lightning themed heroes, the fact of the matter is, there is only one lightning themed hero for our generation.  Superhero Static Shock! (also, why is every lighting/electricity themed hero (even Storm) black?  Are black people especially conductive? I have so much to learn.
·       Butler Bulldogs – Alfred Pennyworth.  Batman has unlimited wealth, an astounding intellect, years and years of training, Superman as a best friend and yet, his greatest advantage over the rest of humanity is the unwavering support of Alfred.  Without him, Batman would be nothing.
·       Winthrop Eagles – Nighthawk.  Continuing our inclusion of Hawks as Eagles, Nighthawk is your classic villain, a little super serum mixed with training in martial arts and out comes a villain.
·       Cincinatti Bear Cats – Black Cat.  I’ve heard people claim that a Bearcat is actually a Red Panda or a Biterong or a Wovlerine, but the truth is, they have no idea.  Cinci’s color scheme and the cat naming lead to a selection of Black Cat.
·       Wake Forest Demon Deacons – Deacon.  A mountain of a man who believes he is doing the work of God by killing sinners.  I need to read more Ghost Rider comics, he sounds awesome.
·       Kansas State Wildcats – Catwoman.  Cats and Eagles man.  Cats and Eagles. 
·       UCLA Bruins – Zap Panda.  I’m digging deep here.  From Earth-C-Minus.  Zap Panda is the magician Zatanna if she was a panda.  There’s no need to think deeper than that.
·       Kent State Golden Eagles – Marahute (The Golden Eagle from the Rescuers Down Under)
·       Dayton Fliers – Angel.  Once again, before Apocalypse showed up he was just a guy who flew around without a shirt.
·       Wichita State Shockers – Shocker.  Shocker may have started off as a standard criminal, but as one of the few villains to have a winning record against Spiderman, it’s pretty clear Shocker is one bad dude, and you’d be a fool to overlook him.
·       Kentucky Wildcats – Dr. Manhattan.  Dr. Manhattan is immeasurably powerful, but he’s a bit of a risk because you just never know if he’ll show up or not.
·       Northern Kentucky Norse – Thor.  A massive 2 Seed verse 15 seed.  The Norseman of Norsemen.