May the 4th Be With Us

Walter Kovacs:  In honor of tomorrow’s national holiday (May the Fourth Be With You!) and NBA Playoffs, I propose a thought exercise. 

Recast the major characters from Star Wars using only players from the remaining Playoff teams.

Cain Marko:  I love it! This is so much tougher than I thought it’d be, though.   

I’ll start with one character from each era. 

Luke: Steph Curry.

People can love Leia and Han and Darth Vader and every other character all they want, ultimately Star Wars is Luke’s universe and they’re all just living in it.  The 2015-2016 NBA season is Steph’s and everyone knows it.  The similarities don’t stop there though.   If there is a bright center of the basketball universe, then Davidson is the campus that it’s farther from.  Curry made his name known at Davidson in the tournament, (Georgetown was his first Death Star) but everyone just kind of assumed it was luck, or a hot streak.  That it wouldn’t play with the big boys.  Then he joins the NBA, is good but not special, for a while. (Hoth era Skywalker)  But then he gets hurt, cries a little, rededicates himself to his craft, and he comes back, not just stronger than ever, but stronger than anyone has ever seen.   And now he has disappeared.  He’s barely been in the playoff and yet we’re still talking about him.  I’ve read more articles about when Curry is coming back, than I have words about the Heat/Raptors series.  He could come back for the last five minutes of the NBA Finals, stare meaningfully into Klay Thompson’s eyes after Klay just beat LeBron, and we’d still be talking about Curry.

Kylo Ren:  LeBron James. 

This may sound harsh because, as you well know, I have become a LeBron apologist in my old age, but I think it’s correct.  I struggled with where to put LeBron. He’s too important to the NBA to leave out, but I had a hard time nailing him down.  I considered Princess Leia (because to me, he’s royalty) I considered Darth Vader (for the Dark/Light comparison with Steph in the Finals) but ultimately the fractured nature of his personality fit in perfectly with Kylo.  Kylo is also royalty of a sort, as a Skywalker.  LeBron was known from a very young age, there was always pressure on him.  Early is his career he wanted to be the good guy, but then he turned his back on the Light.  He formed the Knights of Miami, betrayed Cleveland and embraced his dark side. Now he wants to come back to the light, but he’s finding people haven’t accepted him, because there are some things you just can’t come back from. (Like killing your own father)   I think it also fits because I like Kylo Ren the best when his mask is on, and he’s crushing people, and LeBron is no different. 

Jengo Fett: Damian Lillard. 

Lillard is someone I want to like.  He looks cool, he’s got a fun style of play, and he’s good looking.  But, no matter how badly I want to like him, he’s just not actually that good.  I don’t trust him to win a big series.  He is the best of the “normal” NBA players, but when the stars (Jedi) come to town, he’s going to be looking at an early exit, which is surprisingly unsurprising. Putting up points and looking good with the ball in your hands against the Spurs, is the NBA equivalent of having a flame thrower and a jet pack when fighting Mace Windu. 

WK: LOVE THESE!

I’m not nearly as well versed in Star Wars as you, but I took a stab at a few anyway.

Mace Windu: Kevin Durant. 

Mace has achieved the rank of Jedi Master- the elite of the elite, but there are have been some questions as to if he’s even the most powerful force user on his team!  Like Mace, we know Durant is a good guy- he’s never going over to the dark side.  This season, like the Star Wars saga, is all about the Skywalker family, and Mace is on the outside looking in.  Durant and Mace are both capable leaders with powerful skills, but they both are role players in someone else’s story, and ultimately, as powerful as they are, you know from the start that they’re not going to make all the way- to either a championship or to the original trilogy.

Princess Leia: Klay Thompson. 

If Luke is Steph, then his sibling is for sure Klay.  Like Leia, Klay has a similar if slightly underdeveloped skill set to his splash brother.  Even though, Leia isn’t a full Jedi, her force skills and sensitivity is Sky(walker)- high.  Leia royalty twice over in terms of the richness of her Jedi heritage the adopted daughter of an imperial senator- a legitimate princess.  Klay also comes from noble stock through his father’s line- the basketball equivalent of a prince.  Leia and Klay may not be the strongest in the Star Wars universe or in the NBA, but they are a perfect fit within their system, doing whatever it takes to get the rebellion a W.

CM: Nice work.  I waffled for a while on who to choose for Leia, but Klay as a Leia is a very good choice.

Now for the big one.

Darth Vader: Tim Duncan. 

Duncan has been the chosen one since day one. And we liked him, and we rooted for him.  He was squeaky clean and incredibly boring.  But then he teamed up with Pop (The Emperor) to form the First Galactic Empire.  Pop runs the Empire, but it is Duncan out there doing his dirty work. The change from good to evil came when Duncan didn’t age. (die) He had been left for dead, it was supposed to move on to the next generation.  Durant and LeBron.  But Pop wouldn’t let that happen.  Using the most advanced medical technology (rest) he brought Duncan back and now the two of them are dominating the NBA long after their time has passed.  Also, Duncan seems nice, but that’s only because he doesn’t say much, inside he’s as competitive as they come.  When I thought through everyone left in the play offs and decided, who might be willing to kill a room full of children to win the title, he’s the only one.  LeBron and Durant care too much about their image and their sneaker deals.  Curry has too many morals. If Kobe was still around, he’d be the obvious choice, but he died.  A while ago.

WK: This is the Best. Thing. Ever.  I literally just did a spit take of my water when I saw Darth Duncan!  I’d also like to nominate a few quick hits to close us out:

Stormtrooper: Kyle Lowry.

The whole playoffs- it’s like he forgot how to shoot.

Chewbacca: Steven Adams.

He’s tall. He’s furry.  Occasionally roars- if you’re playing a version of chess- best to let him win. 

Young Yoda: Russell Westbrook.

He’s a tiny, fearless little dude, able to flip and contort his body at will.  Only lacks the hundreds of years of Jedi patience and control.

Old Yoda: Dwayne Wade.

Also a fearless smaller player capable of amazing feats, but saves them up for when they’re really needed.  Wise, and capable- he’s been to the mountaintop, but ultimately it’s the next generation’s turn.

CM: I couldn’t agree more.  Let’s get more into depth with this during our annual Star Wars Day marathon.